I have been working on this website since the beginning of May I believe. For a while I've had the error page on their, and I would like to admit that there is a secret there. It's something silly, I think. I can't really remember what it's suppoused to be other than a text document. Anyways, my favorite music artists at the moment are Tyler, The Creator, and my favorite song by him is GONE, GONE/ THANK YOU. I am also a musical artist, I go under the name Cadaver, which is what you also call a dead body. I am working on an "official" album. I'm calling it offical because all my other stuff on my Bandlab is kind of sloppy and thrown together, and I want to make an album. I don't want to reveal too much, but it's a darker album, and that it's going to be one of the first album that features lyrics. (And possibly has a few features from my friends.)
Hello, it's been a while since I wrote. Currently it is 12:04 PM as I'm writing this. I have just watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I can confirm I sobbed during the end. I might watch again, since I'm thinking of going over to my friend's house tomorrow. I'm making my friend a mixtape on Spotify 'cause his music taste sucks, which was also inspired from wallflower. If ya'll r lucky, I might write sometime in the future. ;D (P.S. The album is still being worked on, im working on the fourth song I think, but the first song is also still in development...? It's complicated.)
Cadaver here, it's been a while since I have written here. A lot has happened. I have started seventh grade, and I am not friends with the person I was talking about in last entry anymore. I had to deal with some person who was harrasing me for a bit, and I have released three EPs on my bandcamp. The album I said I was working on got scrapped and one of the EPs had most of the songs from it on there, but one of the songs from the orignal album got onto one of my newer albums, and one song right now is "unreleased."
Even with all that happening, I am actually working on an ACTUAL album that will ACTUALLY come out and wil NOT be in a series of EPs with one song unacounted for. The album that I am working on right now is called Sun and will be split into two parts. Some of my music tastes right now are Mother Mother, Mindless Self Indulgence, SOPHIE, a few indie people (I really like this one song called Ladyflash by The Go! Team), Will Wood, Rio Romeo, Frank Ocean, Alex G, and Fiona Apple. I started getting back into one of my old fandoms called Dayshift At Freddy's, and this one food I really like right now is this lemon itallian ice from Kwik Trip.
The northwest is beautiful isn't it? :) -Cadaver
Hello, I would like to say I am VERYYYYY excited for the new Tyler album. I really hope one of the trucks pass by where I live, but I doubt that. Also, that album I'm making will not be split into two parts, and it's just gonna have a lot of songs in it. My music taste is the same right now, except I listen That Handsome Devil now and a LOT of Mindless Self Indulgence. Also, scene-core or scene people are kind of mean I figured out. They're also a poser sub-culture of the emo asthetic. And, emo is a poser version of goth! Who knew!!!
Also, yesterday I lost one of my shoes somebody threw them of this ledge in my town, and I went down there and I could only find one. That person also pulled my hair after trying to get on my friends bike while I was taking a break riding it. I learned how to ride a bike, so that's pretty cool!
-Cadaver
Chromakopia eve everyone!!!!!!!!!! I'm really excited, and I can't wait to listen to the whole album tomorow. I also got a new phone since last entry. It was already expected for delivery on the seventeenth, but watever. Also, that song that was "unreleased" on the october fifth entry is gonna' be on my new album. Catch it on Decemmber fourteenth!!!
-Cadaver
Today is All Hallows Eve! BTW, Chromakopia is amazing. I think my favorite track is the one that goes, "I hope you find yourself," in the chorus. But anyways, I'm going as Finn from Adventure Time. Also, did you know that all my websites on Neocities is only a total of two megabytes? I also I got called to the office twice today because something in my search was flagged, and I had to be checked on to make sure I was mentally okay. I might start to vlogs or something as something to put into my CALtolog. Or maybe screen recordings of me making my music.
-Cadaver
So... Trump got elected. That kind of sucks. My school life has been going pretty good still, I'm suppoused to be writing an essay though lol. My friends have been printing out Trump dollars and vandalising them as in a sort of protest. I think it's quite funny, because they make him look like a oompa loompa. I feel bad for all of the trans people out there, I'm non-binary myself but I'm not sure if i'm affected by what Trump will bring into law because I don't take any Testosterone or Estrogen, but I hope trans people will still be given medical care in all states, and if they can't be given medical care in all states, then I hope there is some states in the US that are safe for trans people.
I also feel really bad for women, because they might get the rights to abortion taken away, which is bad because what if children get r*ped and they phiscally can't have the baby? The baby that comes out won't be healthy, and the child with the pregenancy will probably die, which is horrible! I'm just really upset at America, and especially Donald Trump. I don't care if I get put on a watch list or any of that shit, put Trump deserves to be assassinated. He's a stupid, orange, incest insect and rapist.
-Cadaver
Everything kind of sucks right now in the friend group. There's been drama for over two months and just recently someone tried handing a note to [REDACTED] telling her about [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. Honestly, everyone has been rude (including me) because of all the shit that has been happening in the friend group. I hope this passes soon. The friend group thinks it's either [REDACTED] or [REDACTED]. Idk.
I got a new Xbox controller because my old one was kinda' broken. Also, I sent a remix I made to the original artist, and they're gonna post it on their Bandcamp and Spotify on the fifteenth. Their name is Hanahata/2003 Toyota Corrola. The cover art is gonna' look like this.
I also got that one fall out boy song called, "Sugar, we're going down" stuck in my head.
-Cadaver
Today in class, I have finished this book called Speak. I think it was an amazing book, and the author really captures the fear and action in fights and such. It made me feel like I was there right with the main character, or even in the main character's body. I kind of want to watch the movie now, since I read the book.
This week in school, we only have two school days, and Tuesday is going to be an engagement day. An engagement day is kind of like a fun day, where you get to pick three from twenty-nine availble activites. My three are probably going to be, Super Smash Brothers room, card game room, or colouring room. I'm quite excited, but not really because i'd rather be home.
I'm making a magazine, which is think is pretty cool. It's just a magazine about the music I make, and anything my friends want to put on there, and promoting my vlogs on youtube. I also put a featured song thing on there, where I take one of my favorite songs at the time and write the meaning of the song. I'll probably make a new page on my website hosting the (web) magazine.
-Cadaver
I'd like to think there is three people in my mind. One is cynical, who bodyshames themself for things beyond their control, and blames themselves for other people's problems. They say things like, "You shouldn't be crying over what you did. You probably made Andrew and Ali cry, and you don't know it! You're crying for sympathy points. You're pathetic. I don't even want to look at you." They tell me to jump out in the middle of traffic while i'm walking home from school. They tell me to cut myself and stupid shit I'm not suppoused to. They're mean, and cold, and harsh. They barely speak about their emotions and feelings. They would probably think this whole rant was for sympathy points, and would say to, "Suck it up and be normal." I don't know where #1 comes from, or what it's thought processes are, but they are definitely a strong mindset, and hard to get rid of. They also think they're dumb for even thinking there is two people in their head, and would say, "You're acting like a schitzo." They would think that my therapist doesn't care, and she just has to listen because it's her job, and that she probably thinks they're faking it, and that they're a wierdo with a freakazoid family. The feelings I would attach to One, are cold, harsh, self-depricating, and critical. Person one comes out more when I'm alone, or I'm walking around the halls of the school.
Person two is happy. They love their life, and family, and music, and friends, and even the people they don't like sometimes. They try to be friendly with everybody. They are loud, and joke with their friends. They might say some stuff wild in the heat of the moment, like how Andrew is dating Ali. That's one thing that person two doesn't like about themselves. Person two can quickly switch to person one, because person one is person two biggist criticizer. Pushing that aside, two loves to shout, and they like eating, and they like sleeping, and they like to go outside. They would think that they really emotionally intelligent, and smart, and person two helps build up confidence, and stands up against people in arguments. Person two is strong, and they are independent, and happy.
Person three is a tinge of person one, and also it's own sort of problem. They are anxious, and quiet, and think everyone is after them, and looking at them, and would curl up into a ball and rot away if they had the chance. They are the voice of concern of person one, but also their own bundle of mess. They beat themselves up in their head after saying or doing anything embarrasing. They are sometimes get in the way of person two, because they sometimes make person two freeze up in the middle of the standing up for themselves, and then person three takes over, and gets embarrased and quiet. Person three thinks they are clingy, because they follow their friends everywhere because they don't have anything better to do. Person three would be visualized a tiny, frail mouse if they were a real thing. The feelings associated with person three are anxiety, embarrasment, timid, and shy.
I think that's all for my entry today, bye.
-Cadaver
I havn't been feeling really good lately, it's probably due to not getting enough sleep at night but whatever. I feel really disconnected from real life, and it kind of feels like I'm just doing things to feel up my time in life, because I have nothing better to do. I also feel hot constantly, and I don't really know why. My mom has suggested I take melotonin to help with my sleeping problems. I also think I'm getting ahead of myself in a lot of things, especially with music, because I'm supposed to making something every month and posting something on my bandcamp every month, but I have no audience, and I think it's more for me, but I don't want it to be for me, I want it to be for other people.
I guess I don't feel like someone who's making an impact in the world, and I feel like a burden. I could talk to my mom about this stuff, but I don't really want her to think anything is her fault. That's a lie. I guess I don't want to tell anyone because I want to fix my own problems, but I also don't want to fix my problems. I don't know why. Also six month aniversery to this blog i guess.
I also feel i'm annoying to my friends, and I want to distance myself from my friends, because I feel like I make them awkward whenever I'm around them. I'm also quite shamefull to admit that I feel like I have been distance myself from some of my friends who I feel think they're annoying, but I feel like I've been trying to read into why they're upset, and maybe I have also been annoying my friend. I feel like an annoyance, and that I should fucking die in a ditch because I'm a fucking dick who cuts people off and makes fun of people I'VE done wrong.
-Cadaver
Hello, it's been a while since I've made an entry on here. I've been thinking of making a band called The Wowie! Owies! or something. I might think of a new name for it. I'm also thinking I might take a break from Cadaver for a bit if I do follow through with The Wowie! Owies! and I might still post on the Cadaver bandcamp page, but it might just be The Wowie! Owies! albums. I also might make a seperate bandcamp page for The Wowie! Owies!
I might ask my friend Lucy to join, and I know some drummers in my grade so maybe I'll ask them. I also need someone who can sing, because I can't really sing, and my friend Lucy says that she doesn't have the greatest singing voice. I should probably get someone who can sing. My neck kind of hurts, and I'm listening to Miracle Musical right now. The song is White Ball. Fourth hour makes me want to kms (NOT REALLY) and the kids in my fourth hour are funny, but they can get kind of annoying. I'll write more later, since my chromebook is about to die and I need to work on my summative. (LOL i didn't finish it)
-Cadaver
My grandpa has just died. I never even knew him. I only know his voice, and I've only seen his face in old photos. what. the. fuck. I think he was 63 or 64, or somewhere around that range. Apparently, he had been in his bed for a few days, and they could barely identify him. So, yeah. It's also after Christmas, and my mom has to clean out his apartment, and plan the funeral, and call our relatives. I feel bad for her. Both of my mom's parents are dead, and I barely knew both of them. I just kind of find it wild, but I guess that's life.
I got a CD player for a Christmas, Wolf by Tyler, The Creator, Twin Peaks DVD box set, an electric scooter, and a few other things. It kind of haunts me that my grandpa was dead, rotting in his bed for multiple days, while I was playing games and just living life. It's wierd and terrifying in a way. Happy New Years and Happy belated Christmas.
-Alex Herrera, because I believe my stage name is not very customary for this situation.